How I Spent My Monday Night..

I really didn’t mean to, but I watched the ENTIRE premiere of Dancing with the Stars. What can I say? I love dancing! Anyway, first ones out of the gate were Ian Ziering (Steve Sanders on Beverly Hills 90210) and resident winner, Cheryl Burke. Their performance was pretty good for the first week, and I have a feeling it’s only going to get better. She is the two-time defending champion and Ian surprisingly has a lot of rhythm and charisma. They earned a 21 out of 30 for their cha-cha.

Paulina Porizkova (Sports Illustrated swimsuit model in the 80’s and wife of Cars frontman Ric Ocasek) and Alec Mazo. Mazo was previously paired with Season One winner Kelly Monaco, so he knows how to groom a winner. You had to feel bad for Porizkova when the first thing out of her partners mouth was “my dad has lots of pinups of you.” She handled it really well. She was quite graceful and danced well, but was a little boring. Their score was a 19 out of 30.

Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff. Yeah, I don’t think we’re going to see Karina in the final two again this year. Billy Ray is a trainwreck of epic proportions! I give him credit for trying but between his two left feet and Karina’s wiggy malfunction, things just don’t look good for these two, unless he can finagle the Hannah Montana crowd to the phones for support. They scored a paltry 13 out of 30.

Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovalani - Leeza IS the oldest woman to compete, and that’s what she looked like. Granted, Fox trot is kind of boring to watch, but she really isn’t that great a dancer. She was one of my least favorites and I kind of hope she goes next week. She and Tony (previously paired with Sarah Evans) scored 15 out of 30.

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson - I’ve seen him on Broadway and even though I’m already sick of the “fat one” references, I think he has a slight edge. Granted, ballroom isn’t like the hip hop he’s used to, but he has rhythm and it shows. They did a great job and scored 24 points, which is pretty impressive right out of the gate.

Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy - She was surprisingly good! I guess I expected her boxing background to be a deterrent when it comes to form, but she did a really good job. She and Maksim have similar personalities which really comes across in their dancing. You can tell they genuinely like each other and may have even been sexier than his pairing with Willa Ford last season. Their overall score was a 23.

John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska - Considering he’s the oldest competitor and had roughly two weeks to practice, he really turned it on. He has pretty good movements and obviously, he caught on quickly. He might be this year’s Jerry Springer. I mean, while the kids don’t know who he is, their parents certainly do and will be rooting for him to beat out the young guns. He has a lot of work to do, but has great potential. Their score was a 17/30.

Shandi Finnessy and Brian Fortuna - these two were nicknamed “Barbie and Ken” and it’s appropriate as can be. There is definitely a spark between these two, and you can tell they’re really having fun. As much as I hate it when they don’t smile while they’re dancing, she needs to tone it down a bit. She was Miss USA 2004 so the plastic smile is a given, but it’s got to go. She did a pretty good job and if she uses her height (and those legs) to an advantage, she could end up like Stacey Keibler. They scored 19/30.

Clyde Drexler and Elena Grinenko - Clyde is at least a foot taller than his partner, but they don’t call him “the glide” for nothing. At first glance, I wasn’t impressed. The more I watched, I realized that he really does have a knack for the movement and just needs to use his height as an advantage and not try to duck into everything. I think once he loosens up, he’ll be great. Their score was 18/30.

Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts - Come on, you know this is what everyone was watching for! I mean.. who doesn’t want to see if she loses her leg or at least falls, especially since the whole world is rooting against her for badmouthing a Beatle!? Anyway, she actually did a pretty good job. Her upper body needs some work and she needs a new stylist cause that dress and hair was heinous, but if she can get the audience support, she might be able to stick around for a while. Their score was also 18/30.

Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough - The show started off with a bang, and definitely ended with one. Ohno was definitely lacking in the practice time since he’s also still competing in speed skating and was in Milan for the World Championships just last week. Anyway, they had great energy and Apolo was pretty good with the footwork. They were definitely one of the most entertaining couples and I hope they stick around because I’d like to see what he’s capable of, given the same amount of practice time as the others. Their final score was 21/30.

I didn’t vote but if I had, I would have voted for Apolo, Joey and Ian. The girls rarely impress me in the beginning, so I need a little love. I probably would have given Heather Mills a sympathy vote as I can only imagine the scrutiny she’s going under by doing this with her divorce in the paper all the time (Sorry Sarah Evans, your husband is NOT a Beatle). Anyway, it took me HOURS to compose this post and you can probably tell I was getting a little sick of it in the end, but the couples all perform again next Monday and the elimination is Tuesday. My guess is Leeza or Billy Ray is out the door, but we’ll have to wait and see.

I think I told you last week that I was a fan of The Riches, but that won't stop me from watching The Hills on MTV. That show is like crack... I'm ashamed to watch it, but I love every second and find myself yelling at the TV when Spencer is a douchebag, which is pretty much 13 times an episode. Oh Heidi, when will you learn? Don't worry, I'm still DVRing The Black Donnelly's..
I also finished watching ANTM last night, but I don't have the energy to compose a monster post so I'll just tell you that Cassandra had to go (and it was about damn time) and there was plenty of drama and makeover madness. Apparently it's either big hair or hardly any hair at all...